


You Miss 'Em Like You Miss No Other

by sophomorestump



Series: Band S/A [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Coffee Shops, Gay, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7427050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophomorestump/pseuds/sophomorestump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Panic! at the Disco's new song Hallelujah may go a bit deeper than Brendon would like to think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Miss 'Em Like You Miss No Other

**Author's Note:**

> the publication date is when i actually wrote this

Brendon sat at the desk in his room, tapping his finger rhythmically on the smooth wooden surface, staring at the laptop screen in front of him. The cursor hovered over the play button. The video was titled "Panic! At The Disco: Hallelujah (Audio)", and Brendon closely observed every letter as a method of stalling. He sighed deeply and clicked once, starting the audio.

~~~

Ryan was surfing the Internet on his phone the same day, only to find a headline, "Panic! At The Disco Releases Powerful New Single ‘Hallelujah’ — Listen," which intrigued him. He had tried to avoid listening to Panic!, but it proved difficult. Although it was pretty easy to avoid Vices & Virtues, "Miss Jackson" was all over the radio in 2013. That wasn't easy for Ryan, as just hearing Brendon's voice was enough to make him cry. They hadn't talked in years.

_"Goodbye, Ryan."_

_"I'll see you around."_

_"You think?"_

_"I hope."_

False hope was one of Ryan's least favorite things.

Ryan gazed at the headline for a few minutes, but mostly the word "listen". Did he want to listen? Did he want to put himself through that? He started to think about Brendon. He wondered how he was doing with the band since he was the last pre-split member left with Spencer's departure a while earlier. His hand shaking, he clicked the link, and then the video on the page with the audio.

~~~

_"Oh!_

_A moment you'll never remember_

_And a night you'll never forget_

_Oh!"_

Ryan and Brendon had a lot of that in the past. A lot of memorable nights with no specific detail, whether they were going bowling or just writing. Those were the best times, they both guessed, as they didn't need to know more about what had happened. They knew it was fun.

_"All you sinners stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Show praise with your body, stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_And if you can't stop shaking, lean back, let it move right through ya_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_(Hallelujah)"_

Hallelujah. Both boys rolled over the word separately. Sinners could mean a lot of things, but it didn't seem to matter. Brendon just felt stung by the whole thing, but the line about shaking stuck out to Ryan. What did that mean? Was it the times Brendon got too worked up (so much that sometimes he would start shaking) and he had to calm his boyfriend down? Was it the times Brendon got so excited he couldn't contain it and would begin to tremble?Ryan could feel tears welling in his eyes already.

_"My life started the day I got caught_

_Under the covers with secondhand lovers, oh_

_Tied up in pretty young things_

_In a state of emergency, who was I trying to be?"_

Ryan knew what this meant, and Brendon felt himself squirm upon hearing it. Brendon had sometimes tried to distract himself from how he felt about Ryan with some girls, but none of them were like Ryan. Ryan. That was the only one for Brendon. He still was the only one for Brendon.

_"Then the time for being sad is over_

_And you miss 'em like you miss no other_

_And being blue_

_Is better than being over it, over it"_

The two had tears silently streaming down their faces. That hurt the worst. Ryan wondered if Brendon really wasn't over it. Brendon would rather miss him than let go? Ryan was confused until he realized he felt the same way. He didn't ever want to let Brendon go, no matter how badly it hurt. On the other hand, Brendon knew he couldn't let Ryan go. He had no choice.

_"All you sinners stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Show praise with your body, stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_And if you can't stop shaking, lean back, let it move right through ya_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_(Hallelujah)_

_I was drunk and it didn’t mean a thing_

_Stop thinking about_

_The bullets from my mouth_

_I love the things you hate about yourself_

_Just finished a daydream, who were you trying to be?"_

Ryan looked at the ceiling, but Brendon did just the opposite and set his gaze at the floor. All that came with this was memories. Memories of Brendon drinking just a glass too much, and shaking back and forth from ecstatic to see Ryan to extremely hateful towards him, spewing words he would never in a thousand years actually mean. Ryan always knew this, and it was extremely rare, but it still hurt that he could come up with such awful things. Ryan tried to monitor how much both he and Brendon drank so that wouldn't happen. Ryan didn't want either of them to follow in his father's footsteps.

_"Then the time for being sad is over_

_And you miss 'em like you miss no other_

_And being blue_

_Is better than being over it, over it_

_No one wants you when you have no heart and_

_I’m sittin' pretty in my brand new scars and_

_You’ll never know if you don’t ever try again_

_So let’s try, let’s try, let’s try"_

Ouch, that was about Ryan? Yeah, wow. Just as every couple did, they fought sometimes. And during those fights, they both became heartless, willing to say anything to come out on top. Those were both of their least favorite times. Brendon grimaced at his words, wondering if they were too harsh. Brand new scars. Did that mean Brendon was still thinking about Ryan? Brendon himself wasn't even sure. Subconsciously, though, he knew he was. He would never admit it.

_"All you sinners stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Show praise with your body, stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_And if you can't stop shaking, lean back, let it move right through ya_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_(Hallelujah)_

_All you sinners stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Show praise with your body, stand up, sing, 'hallelujah'_

_(Hallelujah)_

_And if you can't stop shaking, lean back, let it move right through ya_

_(Hallelujah)_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers_

_Say your prayers"_

Brendon closed his laptop and stared into space. Ryan put his phone down on his stomach and gazed at the ceiling. Both of them could feel their hearts being torn up. And both of them knew something had to be done, it was eating them both alive.

Ryan picked his phone back up, and Brendon ran to find his. Ryan shakily found Brendon's contact, which he, of course, still had, and hit "call."

Just as Brendon reached his phone, it started ringing. To his surprise, the caller ID read "Ry". Wow. They hadn't spoken since the split and Ryan was calling him. A sad smile broke onto Brendon's face as he quickly answered.

"Ryan?!" he yelled.

"Hey...Brendon," said Ryan slowly.

There was a long pause.

"I miss you," whispered Ryan.

"I miss you, too."

"Long time no see."

"Yeah." Brendon bit his lip.

"We should fix that."

"We should."

Another silence.

"We should," Brendon repeated

"W-Where? When?"

"Are you free now?"

"Yeah."

"Now. The coffee shop down the street from my old house."

"See you then," Ryan said, grinning.

"See you then."

~~~

Brendon tapped his foot impatiently, staring at the glass door of the building, waiting for his ex to enter. He'd been there for nearly forty minutes, was Ryan standing him up? God he hoped not.

Brendon looked down into his coffee, light brown from how much cream he liked. Maybe he and Ryan weren't meant to be.

"Brendon!"

Or maybe he was speaking too soon.

Brendon's head snapped up to see Ryan, looking surprisingly different than when they last spoke. But he supposed he did as well. 

Ryan started running to Brendon's table, but awkwardly slowed down and took a seat. "So," he said.

"So," replied Brendon, sipping his drink.

"How've you been?"

Brendon couldn't take it. He got up, walked around the table, and hugged Ryan tightly. "All I've done is miss you."

Ryan returned the embrace, tearing up. "Me too."


End file.
